Respect: what it is?

Dialogue #1: Respect for others
Don't insult people or make fun of them.
• Listen to others when they speak.
• Value other people's opinions.
• Be considerate of people's likes and dislikes.
• Don't mock or tease people.
• Don't talk about people behind their backs.
• Be sensitive to other people's feelings.
• Don't pressure someone to do something he or she doesn't want to do.
U. Thant – former DG of the UN
Every human being, of whatever origin, of whatever station, deserves respect. We must each respect others even as we respect ourselves.

Here, two people, Roger Lewis Fullerton and Len Smith discuss respect. They are trying to understand what it is.

RLF: Some believe that we must respect other people as we respect ourselves.

LS: The question is: Can you respect others if you don’t respect yourself?

RLF: I think it would be impossible – surely respect begins with self-respect. I mean, if you do not think well of yourself, you will find it difficult to think well of others.

LS: I think people who lack self-respect only respect those who are more powerful in some way.

RLF: Yes, I think you are right, but is that respect or just a sort of fear? Remember, fear is not the same thing as respect.

LS: Then perhaps we should begin by defining what we mean by the word, ‘respect’.

RLF: I think it means something like having esteem ; for a person you think has qualities you admire.

LS: Or has abilities you admire.

RLF: What about the word ‘deference’? Do you think that is the same thing as respect?

LS: Perhaps we should think of a particular situation, involving several people, and then we might be able to say whether respect was being shown, deference, or esteem.

RLF: Can you think of a scenario that would illustrate those aspects of respect/

LS: First, let’s think about a schoolboy and a headmaster; what sort of feelings do you think the schoolboy has regarding the headmaster?

RLF: That would depend upon what the boy had done; if the boy had done something wrong, and was about to be punished in some way, then I should think that the boy would be afraid of the headmaster.

LS: And what would that feeling be closest to – respect, deference, or esteem?

RLF: It would be close to none. As I said, fear is not at all the same thing as respect, although we often confuse the two.

LS: And many people in positions of authority might prefer someone to be afraid of them.

RLF: Yes, they might, but that is probably because of some insecurity they feel about their own position.

LS: I agree, but I still think such people prefer to be feared for other, more practical reasons too.

RLF: What reasons are those?

LS: For the reason that if someone in authority is feared – let’s say that some men who work under a manager are afraid of him, then they might do as they are told by the manager, whereas if they are not afraid of him, they might not always obey him so readily.

RLF: I see, yes, I think you are right. But is that kind of feeling always effective in getting the best out of someone?

LS: I should say that it isn’t, no!

RLF: Why?

LS: Because people who are afraid will often come to hate and detest those swho they fear.

RLF: Again, I ask you why you think that is true?

LS: For the very simple reason that living in fear is very wearing – very tiring, if you see what I mean, and people who live in fear will often rise up against those who instill fear in them.

RLF: And what do they feel once they have faced down the person they once feared?

LS: I should say they feel the opposite of respect for them. I should think they feel loathing, and dislike for them.

RLF: Those two things do seem to be the opposites of respect, don’t they?

LS: Which brings us back to our two other terms: esteem and deference.

RLF: Esteem sounds a lot like respect to me. Again, can we think of the boy standing in front of the headmaster, except that this time, the boy is there to be praised for his excellent schoolwork.

LS: Then who feels what?

RLF: I would say that both feel some sort of esteem for each other- both realize that the other is appraising them positively, and this reinforces the feeling of esteem, of respect.
To be continued